HOH Comp - Big Brother Disco
The HOH comp (which we left off Wednesday night) continues. Everyone is spinning on their chain linked disco balls settling in for the endurance challenge. Julie tells James that the vote was 5-3 to let him back in the house, sowing the seeds for James’ vendetta against the only players smart enough to know he should have stayed gone. Adam is the first one out of the competition after 15 minutes, which he blames on his fat ass. Adam is a lot of things but fat he isn’t, however this kind of challenge doesn’t favor those with a larger build. Josh is out soon after, for similar reasons. Matt follows at the 40 minute mark.Sheila confesses to James that she was one of the votes for the mystery guest before she feels sick and drops. That leaves Natalie as the only one who can win it for her alliance and she’s up against Sharon, James, and Chelsia. Matt lets her know that she has to win this, in case she didn’t have enough internal pressure. He asks Sheila to pray for Natalie.
And God spoke to the Big Brother cast, “I told you to stop bothering me.”
Matt promises Natalie a massage if she wins, the massage he’s reneged on countless times before yet she believes him. That is the wonder of Natalie: such a rare dichotomy of depravity and innocence. Sharon drops at 2.5 hours. Now that it’s down to the final 3 in this challenge Natalie lets Chelsia and James know that they aren’t her target this week. Chelsia remains silent, but James doesn’t care. He just wants his dignity back. Someone should tell him he’s on the wrong show. At 3 hours and 19 minutes Chelsia drops so the competition is down to Natalie vs. James.
At 4 hours and 5 minutes Natalie isn’t holding up so well anymore. She’s shaking and dehydrated. While dry heaving and trying to hold on she extracts a promise from James to keep Matt and herself safe from nomination. Chelsia, showing that she may indeed still have a fragment of her soul, tells Matt to take a good look at what Natalie is putting herself through for him and if she ever hears him talk badly about Natalie again she’s beat the (chose your euphemism) out of him. Meanwhile James cuts the deal with Natalie so at 4 hours and 26 minutes Natalie is out making James the new HOH
Bible Buddies
The graphics department has been busy - they introduce us to Bible Study with Matt, Ryan, and Adam. Things we have learned this week from our fine theologians: Goliath was one big-ass dude and both Matt and Ryan are completely ignorant in regards to common cultural references. Which they note themselves since they are glad for the opportunity to study the Word, since there are a lot of references in there like David and Goliath. Also, Easter. That is my favorite part of the Gospels - the Easter story. Especially the part where they explain the bunny and the colored eggs.Ryan suggests that Adam opens his own Bible college, which is an excellent idea. Adam is clearly the brains of this outfit. The Moe to their Larry and Shemp. No, Ryan isn’t qualified to be Shemp…maybe Curly Joe, the replacement Stooge.
Proving he can take his message to the audience, Adam explains the Ark of the Covenant and the Holy Grail in terms Matt can understand, replete with Indiana Jones references. Matt asks Adam where the aforementioned holy relics are and Adam doesn’t know. I’m glad he cleared that up, because scholars have been searching for those for thousands of years and it would be very anti-climactic if Adam was the one who knew their locations. Matt thinks they should go looking for them if they win Big Brother, because that would bring some bank. He thinks $500,000 after taxes will go further than it will. Adam points out that such an excellent adventure (my apologizes to Bill and Ted) would cost millions of dollars, not to mention crazy amounts of equipment.
Expedition to find missing relics: untold millions. Price of equipment and tools: additional millions. Amusement value of Adam’s endless patience with Matt: Priceless.
The Nomination Ceremony
James tells everyone that a miracle brought him back into the house…Somewhere in heaven God asks Jesus, “Did you give Allison Grodner the ability to perform miracles? No? How do they expect to understand the intricacies of the Bible when they don’t know the difference between a divine intercession and a badly conceived game show twist?”Back on earth James goes on about false pretenses and lies, and he is using his nomination to punish those who dared to play the game. The following hamsters are safe; Natalie, Matt, Sharon, Chelsia, Joshuah, and Adam. This leaves Sheila and Ryan on the block - looking angry but not surprised.
Sheila tells Ryan that they need a miracle to stay in the game. So if someone were to save them they would be canonized for performing a miracle? The Catholic church would have the evidence on videotape so there should be no dispute. So in contention for sainthood in this century would be Mother Teresa, Pope John Paul, and…James. That doesn’t sound right.
